Keiji Maeda vs The World
by Strike To Incinerate
Summary: Maeda Keiji has fallen in love with Saika Magoichi, the coldhearted leader of the Saika unit. But in order for him to gain her affections, he must defeat her seven evil exes with the help of his best friends, Uesugi Kenshin and Kasuga!


Author's Note: _I was messing around with my SB roleplay group, and had this crazy idea... after the crazy idea of Magoichi singing Sexy Back ft. Ishida Mitsunari and Maeda Keiji (with Kanbei, Motochika and Masamune in gogo cages), from the album SaikaBack/GunSounds. Yes, I'm retarded. But then I was like, 'HOW MANY EX BOYFRIENDS DOES SHE HAVE?' and I decided on seven so that she could have a Scott Pilgrim parody. So, yeah. Enjoy this, it's retarded._

_And yes, every chapter is named after a song. Because I'm so unoriginal and I like everything I do to have a playlist._

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_**Keiji Maeda vs The World  
A Sengoku Basara fanfiction  
Chapter One - Hello Hello**

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The battle had been raging for hours.

Tokugawa Ieyasu intended to take Echigo and the Uesugi army by force, since they wouldn't join him, or anyone, willingly. Kenshin and Kasuga were finally tiring of war... they wanted no part of Tokugawa Ieyasu or Ishida Mitsunari, they simply wanted to be left alone. In peace. With each other. Maeda Keiji respected that, and had returned to Echigo just in time to help them. But even with his assistance, the Uesugi forces were falling like the petals of a cherry tree in a slight breeze.

This breeze had a name.

Saika Magoichi.

Word had spread across the divided lands of Japan that Tokugawa Ieyasu had acquired the assistance of Saika Magoichi and her mercenaries, the feared Saika unit. In all of Japan, no one handled guns better than they did. With Saika's allegiance, Tokugawa Ieyasu was finally a force to be reckoned with.

Kasuga had already been defeated. Tokugawa Ieyasu was knocking on Kenshin's door. And Maeda Keiji wandered onto the battlefield as a woman stepped up the hill.

She was...

gorgeous.

With red hair like the sunrise, and such sharp, stern features, piercing gold eyes...

he saw the guns strapped around her thighs.

This was Saika Magoichi, he realized.

It was no wonder Ishida and Tokugawa were fighting over her!

She saw him, too, and charged.

She leapt at him, her leg outstretched for a massively damaging kick. Keiji started to lean away from it.

Until he got caught sight of her perfect flat expanse of stomach, an even plain leading up to her a pair of round, perky breasts, shamefully covered by her black top. How were they so big and still so perky? He leaned in for a better look.

Her foot landed against his chest, sending him flying into the snow. She landed on both feet, stepping around to keep from falling.

Keiji pushed himself up, his head popping out of the snow bank, a goofy smile plastered on his face. She was... amazing! She was gorgeous and so powerful, so severe and yet so feminine... so unique and perfect. "I think I'm in love!" he shouted, standing up and plucking the single blue daisy that had been preserved by the snow. Magoichi raised a brow as he approached. "I'm in love with you!" he reiterated. "I'll follow you anywhere! I'll protect you!" he promised, his hand extended with the flower.

She looked down at it, then up at him. She turned and walked away, back down the hill. She never said a word.

Yumekichi poked his little monkey head out from Keiji's vest with a curious chirp. "Yumekichi! The black bird of Saika flies to the next battlefield! We have to protect her." He took off after her, though he didn't make it far.

There was a flash of black and dark green, and then from nowhere, he got the shine of shuriken flying towards him. He drew his oversized odachi and knocked them away.

From a pool of black fog less than ten feet away, Sarutobi Sasuke, the leader of the Sanada Ten Braves and the ninja of the Takeda army, appeared.

_Sasuke was dumbfounded when Shingen told him he had hired the services of a skilled mercenary group. The Saika unit._

_He was more surprised when the woman that stepped into the tent was actually good looking, though she had an expressionless face. Still, she was pretty hot. Cold shoulder but a tiger in the sack kind of hot._

_He grinned._

_"Sasuke... this is Saika Magoichi. You two will work together for the duration of her contract."_

_Magoichi nodded, accepting this._

_Sasuke's grin never left._

_Maybe this would be a nice break from pining over Kasuga... she never even thought about him, it might be nice to think about someone other than her._

"Sasuke! Why are you here?" Keiji asked. "Have the Takeda joined the Tokugawa?"

"Nah, I'm here to visit my fiancee," Sasuke replied, drawing his bladed wheel. "But, I can't let you follow Magoichi."

"Get out of my way, Sasuke! If Magoichi goes to the next battlefield, I must follow and protect her. It's my duty as her lover!" Keiji roared.

"Now... I can't let that happen. If Magoichi loves someone, it has to be one of us!" Sasuke axe kicked his way to the left, then again. Each time his feet hit the ground, they left behind a trail of black fog, and from that fog formed another Sasuke.

The three Sasukes immediately attacked.

"Wh-what? I don't understand!" Keiji said, trying to block the vicious strikes from all three of them.

"Ask Magoichi! Unless she hasn't told you," Sasuke said, grinning.

Now Keiji knew which was the real Sarutobi, and he slammed his sword down toward him. Sasuke back flipped out of the way, but the attempted strike left Keiji open to be double teamed from either side by the two clones.

Until they suddenly disappeared in the puffs of black fog they had been born from. Six kunai, three on each side where the clones had been, where stuck in the ground, attached to wires. Sasuke's head snapped up toward the branch of a nearby tree.

Keiji took this opening, swinging his sword around like a baseball bat, knocking Sasuke twenty feet, into the truck of that tree.

Then he looked up. Kasuga was gone. Probably back to Kenshin, to treat his wounds.

"Hnnng..." Sasuke pushed himself up. "You made me retreat... but there are six more of us! Be careful, Maeda Keiji!" Sasuke disappeared into the black fog.

Keiji ran ahead again to catch up with Magoichi. She was waiting at the exit of the village below. "Maeda."

"Magoichi... why did Sarutobi Sasuke attack me? Is he your-"

Magoichi shook her head, looking away. "Ah, so they're still doing that... Maeda, you should sit down." Keiji sat, patting the ground beside him with a hopeful smile. "I'm a mercenary... I meet a lot of men. One day... my ex-lovers decided to band together to keep me from dating anyone else. In short, my seven evil exes are coming to kill you for falling in love with me."

Keiji's eyes went wide. "You have seven ex lovers?"

Magoichi nodded. "You already defeated Sasuke... but you should go home." She turned to walk away again.

Keiji stood up, extending his hand. "Please wait!" She stopped. "Where are you going, Magoichi?"

"To Shikoku."

Keiji nodded, making up his mind. "I will go to Shikoku, too."

Magoichi shook her head, walking off again.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaait! I just have to get ready!" Keiji shouted after her. But Magoichi just kept walking.

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So, yeah... obvious next chapter is obvious. Review, please.


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